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Be eff Fs

By Priscilla McGreer

Copyright 2017 Priscilla McGreer

Smashwords Edition

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You: Everything you've ever heard about the motherfucking IRS is true! Fuck!!! I have not been this angry in like, probably weeks, and I have not been on hold this long since my high school boyfriend stopped working for “Telus.” Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK!!!

Me: What happened?

You: Long story short, they have my money and my passport. Fml.

Me: You sent them your passport?

You: Yeah...

Me: What the hell! Why?! So now you can't come to Vegas with us?

You: No. Can't. :(

Me: Fuck

10 minutes later

You: Yay!! They answered. What nice people.

2 weeks later

Me: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU SLEPT WITH MY BOYFRIEND WHILE I WAS IN VEGAS! Did you make up the whole passport thing just for that? HOPE YOU DIE AND ROT IN HELL!

1 month later

You: It was good to see you yesterday.

Me: Yeah, you too.

You: So do you want to go for drinks tomorrow?

Me: Yeah :)

1 week later

Me: I just feel like nobody respects me. All the good ideas are mine. This place is crap without me. I do everything for my boss and he just keeps walking all over me and treating me like garbage. I hope he gets anal probed by aliens. I'm so depressed.

You: He is using you because he knows you have a mad crush on him.

Me: Ducking jerk

3 weeks later

Me: Help!

You: What are you doing? Where are you?

Me: I'm upstairs with Jonas.


Me: We were going to but he doesn't have a condom. I'm just in the bathroom, what should I do?

You: Get down here. I have one left.

Me: Omg, you're awesome!

You: Yep.

Me: Btw... what do you mean “one left”?

You: Don’t ask.

Me: Oh God… I hope it wasn’t the CEO? He holds grudges.

You: Don’t ask. There is only one for you. Make it count.

2 months later

Me: I just found out Jonas has been cheating on me, probably all along. With Cassie.

You: What?! That chick from the cunt-ry music station?

Me: The one with the fake accent... yeah...

You: Mother of God… he will pay...

1 day later

Me: Ha ha ha! That was totally you who called in to Jonas' show! I know your voice. His face is still red right now, the whole studio is laughing. He couldn't hang up fast enough.

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