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Excerpt for Seeking A Friend by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

Seeking A Friend

by Kennie Kayoz

Copyright 2018 Coyotes Publishing

Smashwords Edition



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Cover Image courtesy of Pixabay

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Chapter 1



Do you remember what it's like being a child ?, certain children went on play dates and all that sort of thing. When we were young they always tried to teach us that having friends is important, almost like nothing more was important than having friends. So as you grew up it was always put into your mind that you must have friends but as your body and mind grew a certain fact of evolution came out and the innocence of being a child then was lost and things got complicated. People you knew would end up using you and lying to you as well in order to try to manipulate you to get something for themselves, By that point on making friends almost seemed like a contest more than something you would enjoy, some people had that one, two or many friends growing up or atleast a close friend growing up.



But there was a group of us who grew up having no friends and always having to find our own ways of entertaining ourselves during our downtime, no matter if it was a small amount of downtime or a large amount of time we were spent alone, at times when I was younger I always thought that making friends would be a difficult thing to do. But I was always the quiet kid who didn't really talk a whole lot, specially in high school. I more so hid myself in the library with my nose buried into the sports section reading the latest scores and articles from the previous day to keep up with any sort of thing that was going on in the world of sports in hopes of talking to my friends about it. As we would all gather in the library each morning to do the same routine over and over everyday. I later dropped out of high school and that's when I really learned how difficult it was to make friends, maybe it's just me ?... But I sit here writing this in my mid 30's (36 to be exact) and I look at everyone else who is sitting in my age bracket and 90-95% of them have kids and a family of there own either an already established family or they're starting out in creating a family by having the first child. Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining about people having kids, many of my friends have kids and lets face it, if it wasn't for my parents having kids I wouldn't be this creature sitting here at almost 2am typing this up on his computer because he's having trouble sleeping.

Anyways if you don't fit into the pre existing family or the starting up a family phase many of the rest spend time in bars. Well that's fine if you drink or just trying to bury your past for whichever reason you choose, but I don't drink.. I use to, but I gave it up. Yup I'm one of those "non-drinkers". When I was under age drinking I couldn't wait to get together with a few friends and sit around and drink, but then my brain kicked in one day and I started to look at people around me and seen how they changed when they were drinking and after spending time doing that I looked at things and said "I don't like how my entire family are completely different when drinking" so I thought about it for a bit and I later decided to give it up, my new addiction that took over just happens to be the one's and zero's that your reading this on.. Yes the world wide web and building websites... But of course none of my websites ever became insanely successful, but that's fine, I guess...

So that's your brief introduction to the man sitting behind the computer screen writing this.. This may not be exactly what your looking for and many of you may or may not look at this as anything at all close to a self help book since I honestly can't help myself cause myself fucking sucks, but I'm hoping that I can shine some sort of light upon things for you to hopefully understand or get some sort of clarity where you can sit and look at things and understand that your not the only one who is going through what your going through... Or you may look at me as some pathetic asshole whose typing this and giving it away for no reason other than to let out his inner voice to the world wide web and anyone else who is willing to actually give a flying fuck and read this with a price tag that says "FREE" ... Maybe your that person, or maybe your the person who'll let this sort of thing sit and be ignored... Time will tell, but for now... welcome to my book...

Chapter 2



So you managed to get through the first page or so and onto what is now called Chapter 2... Why is it tha when I say that I immediately think of the old school Goofy cartoons with the "How To" books that would always be read outloud during the cartoon ?... Anyways it doesn't matter, if your wondering I'm some complete asshole who uses the writing name of Kennie Kayoz to write my first book, honestly it's not my first. Prior to this lovely gem I have written a ton and a half of poetry books that can be found distributed all through out the world wide web, I know anyone can write poetry and anyone can write anything that they want it just really comes down to having to sit and actually do it, well as I said in chapter 1 this is currently after 2am and I'm having trouble sleeping.. Maybe it's my inner voice that keeps rambling on as I lay in bed or maybe I chose to get my ass out of bed to do one of a few things I honestly dont' know but what I do know is that that inner voice has lead me to typing this up for you fine people who are actually going to give it the time of day so for that I thank you for the $0 that you have sunk into my pocket in order to read this and no doubt give myself a bad review in hopes of making yourself feel better... But I'm not going to judge you on that ;)



Back to the whole searching for a friend, as we discovered in the first chapter that as we get older it's harder to make friends in this world because once we reach the 30's and even late 20's most people our age have started a family or are just starting a family or your like me and your that loner who spends his time infront of a computer typing of poetry or random ideas for books kinda like this one that struck him at the wee hours of the morning as he sits here with his headphones on also having some random background music play through his headphones in hopes of it helping soothe the savage beast that's inside so that he can hopefully get back to sleep in a timely manner when he walks himself back into his bedroom like a perhaps zombie that he is to hopefully get more sleep..

Oh and let's not forget the other group of people that I may have forgotten that if they're not starting a family or have started a family you also have your career focused people who are more focused on the career, so it's not really a easy pool to go diving into to try and make friends it becomes rather difficult since in this world of hustle and bustle everyone is on the go (or they are for the most part) trying to scrape together enough money through one job or two jobs in order to keep there heads above water and be able to afford everything that they want no matter family or not and at times they may just be too busy to want to make friends since right now they have everything planned out to the point of what they have going for them is actually working and they are use to the routine that they have given themselves and they aren't tagged as "creepy old guy who lives in his mother's basement" (insert sound of crickets here) .... But that's fine, I've always had trouble doing just about everything in life and while I type up this lovely masterpeice over the course of ..... Who knows how long it'll take me, I will take you on a journey into my life.. Some may call me pathetic or various other names, frankly I don't really care... I do know that this isn't going to end up on no best seller list and I'm about 100% sure that your not going to hear someone like Opera name drop me on national tv or this get added to her "must read book collection" ... Since this will fly under the radar of basically everyone since it's free and nobody tends to pay any attention to the world of free in terms of books, but that's fine... I'm not judging, if your wanting to be a writer and your hoping that if you drop a few free books it'll build you an audience.. Honestly you may wnat to think again because that sort of thing doesn't really work, it will take people time to read things or who knows maybe they will read it.. Since as I said I mainly stick with writing poetry and quite honestly we all know that poetry is a lost and dead art, when was the last time you read poetry ? ... By that I mean something new in that last 3-5 years ? ... Not many people have to be honest but I keep writing it, at times I don't know why... Maybe I'm destined to write something else after October since I already have two books planned at the end of October, yes two books of poetry planned for the end of October... If your wonder the titles are: Grey Orange and Orange Grey ... for those who might be a bit lost... book 1- Grey Orange .... book 2 - Orange Grey .... good enough ? ... Glad we have that settled then but I know for the last little while that I've been writing poetry I kept saying to myself that I have to find something else to write since my poetry is getting less and less reads, I bet it would even get so many more less if I started to charge for it.. But who knows I'm at least going to stick with it until the end of October then after that who really knows... As for a release date for this lovely thing I'm working on ? .... Will it be before October ? I don't really know because I haven't really decided when I'm going to post it up yet...

Alright so since your now getting to know me and what it's like insidse of my head, or at least some thoughts that are going on in it... In real life I'm going to call it a night, it's 230am and as much as I don't feel tired but just like most other nights I don't know what to do with myself so that's where I'm heading... So on that happy note... Goodnight...

Chapter 3



I've always found it interesting how so many parents stress the friendship thing when your young but how many of those friendships last until your an adult. Or for those few of us like me who have trouble making friends because of one reason or another. I'm not judging don't get me wrong I know I have at least a handful of things stopping me from making friends and one is my debilitating shyness.

I know that the few friends I had when I was younger I have lost contact with and 99% of my elementary school friends as well. High School I didn't have many friends but the few that I did have and one stalker who I'm now dating I've kept in touch with on facebook.

Making friends is definately a difficult process... OK let me explain that making real friends is a difficult process, my girlfriend has zero problems making friends since her facebook count gets added to almost daily and people randomly hit on her and talk to her as well almost weekly. I'm not trying to make excuses for people who do that sort of thing to her but in defence she's short, cute and stacked (for those who don't know this means she's got big boobs).. Let's face it, being completely fucking honest with everyone there are assholes out there who try to be friends with you just because you have a big chest because that's all they see or that's the main reason why they want to be friends with you. I'm not saying that every guy on this planet is like that but there is a huge portion of them who do and as a man I would like to apologize to all the women who have to put up with that sort of crap in there life. I'm not one of those guys, I'm one of the shy ones who don't say a whole lot, I may say a few words if you speak first or I may just smile and nod.. Either way no one should have to put up with that sort of shit and I have no idea how they do it, but I guess some guys grow up as assholes and they continue down that path, or perhaps they are assholes cause that's all they have to show for themselves in life. I don't really know, I'm not here to make excuses for them or try and figure them out cause it's none of my business.

So yes you maybe sitting on the other end of this book reading this and mocking me in your own way since I'm in my mid 30s and I have little to no friends, however I chose to write this to show everyone that if your in the same boat as me, you honestly aren't alone. Things do change when you get older at times certain things are easier as you get older and for some people the ability to make friends is like breathing where they just attrack people like crazy for whichever reason they do, then you have the others like me who struggle with that. Hell I struggle with day to day life of being myself six outta seven days of the week if not struggling seven out of seven days of the week. Everyone is different, no matter what path you find yourself in it's not the wrong path and your not doing anything wrong and I'm not going to tell you what the proper way of making friends is because in my eyes I don't think one method could work for everyone and these self help books that claim that you can make friends in three easy steps or something stupid like that clearly think that every human is a like and have put out that book just to make money like something is that simple. Sadly it's not, like I said every human is different there's no two ways about that..

I hope in a way that my three simple chapters in this book titled "Searching For A Friend" gives you some sort of insight that not everyone finds making friends that easy and if you don't find it that easy then don't feel like your being left out in the cold about it.

One other thing I wanted to point out that finding "internet friends" is like trying to find acceptance online, I've never written anything in hopes of being accepted by any sort of writing community or anything like that. When I write I write what is going on in my life or my own thoughts on certain subjects such as this about making friends because it maybe important to some who feel that they have to make friends and they may have to have 101 friends close to them at all times and what are they doing wrong and why can't they be that person. It might not be you, not every book out there has the ability to help everyone. This was my own personal struggle of the world of making friends and showing that all my life I have had trouble making friends and I still do, I still have trouble talking to people. People find that weird and odd about me but in reality of it all, it's true. I have trouble communicating with people, I've been that way for as long as I can remember I would like to say that I'm getting better about the situation but at times I don't, at times I honestly think I'm getting worse about it.

But that's enough about me, I've rambled on for long enough about the subject about making friends.. This was my story, I'm sure you have your own tales to tell.

Kennie


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