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Making It Work

90 Days to Wed



Johanne Mesidor-Dorsainvil













































Dedication

Everyone needs somebody is true and there’s someone out there for everyone. Different people find love different ways. No one should judge this personal decision. This book is for all those looking for that very special someone. Keep hoping and soon you too can say: “I found the one.”





























Making It Work: 90 Days to Wed

Johanne Mesidor-Dorsainvil

Copyright © 2018 Johanne Mesidor-Dorsainvil

Self-Published

WithUsIsGod@yahoo.com



All rights reserved. No parts of this publication may be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever including stored in a database and/or published in any form or by manner, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the express written permission of the publisher.



















Preface

For all of the people out there looking for love, this book is for you! It takes time to get exactly what you are looking for. The picking is getting slimmer by the second. It’s getting harder and harder to find someone that you would want to spend the rest of your life with. For the ladies, it’s a fact that more females are born than males; making it more difficult to find a deserving mate. For the guys, it’s not so easy for you either. The good thing is though, you have options. I’m here to tell you that there’s more than one way around this common issue that seems to plague so many. “Making It Work: 90 Days to Wed” shows one method that many have proven to be successful. This method will work for you!

















Contents

Introduction

We All Go Through It 1

  1. Meeting The One

  1. First Meeting 18

  2. Which State? 20

  3. Locations to Meet 25

  4. Networking 39

  1. The Dating Scene

  1. Communication Methods 50

  2. Questions 57

  3. Activity Ideas for Long Distance Relationships 92

  1. Tying the Knot

  1. Nuptial Ready 106

  2. Topics to Consider 119

  3. The 2 P’s Prayer & Patience 132

  4. Attributes to Look For 145





We All Go Through It



As a person that has had the opportunity to travel and meet people from many different countries over a few years and connecting to people from all over the world through my profession as a healthcare professional, I realize one thing that all humans have in common. We all desire companionship. We all as human beings want and need someone to show love and caring attitudes towards us. Some people are content having and experiencing that love from family. Others find that long lasting friendships are just what they need. They’re happy to be able to spend memorable moments with those people and are satisfied that their love is enough. Then there’s other people who desire more. They long for the charm and charisma of the opposite sex. This group of people need someone to hold doors for them while they enter five-star restaurants and pull the seat out as they sit down to eat. They want to be wined and dined like a princess with her prince. These individuals like the thought of being in an exclusive relationship where one person belongs to the other. They like the idea of calling someone by their special nicknames or saying I love you every evening before going to bed. Some individuals say: “It will be nice to have someone to comb their fingers through your hair.” Or “It’ll be nice to have someone to talk to when you’re upset or frustrated.” Whatever the reason might be, they long for that other person in their life to make it complete. These people long to feel whole.

On numerous occasions the first thing that a person would say to me is not: “Hello” or “How are you doing” or anything else that would seem normal like “How about the weather?” or even “Do you have the time?” No! For a while I was getting asked: “Are you married?” by complete strangers. My guess was that I looked a lot like their daughters or reminded them of their granddaughter. Obviously, they felt comfortable enough with me that they would ask me such a personal question. I imagined I appeared friendly. Then there were my family members who sought the same answers, but ask it in a more aggressive way. They would be franker and say things like: “Have you found someone yet?” or “You’re still not married?” They didn’t sugar coat it or make it seem sweet like the strangers. They made it seem like I wasn’t working hard enough. I wasn’t doing my part to get things moving along. “Don’t let that weight creep up on you!” my aunt would always say. “They don’t have anyone at your church that might be interested?” The pressure was real! I didn’t know if I felt embarrassed or ashamed! This was my personal business after all! “Why were they hounding me like this?” Even people that I had never met before in my life were wanting to know. They were inquiring on when I would make a decision.

At what point do you get frustrated of hearing these kinds of questions? When exactly do you decide: “I really am sick and tired of been alone! I need to find someone to live my life with!” “With scant amount of people around to fill that void, I can’t phantom who would get the position. It’s hard to imagine living like this any longer and dating is not working out, it’s just a waste of time.” Every time you go to a new restaurant, you’re forced to watch other couples converse together and have a great time. You wonder to yourself: “When will I get a chance at being happy and feeling content?” Lots of singles are feeling exactly like this person above. They are frustrated over their current situation and don’t know what to do about it. They are at their end's wit filled with loneliness and desperation. Some do not see a fairytale relationship as a need or a want anymore. They just want to have a warm body next to them; a warm body that’s willing to live this life with them and share some common interest. What good is this life if you got to live it alone, not having anyone to go out with and share a cup of coffee with at the local coffee shop. Or without someone to take a stroll with when its warm outside? Looking for a good hearted, hard working person who wants to start a family full of loving, well cared for children. People can’t seem to find that right mate; that person that fulfill their every imaginable wants and desires.

I remember walking down the hallway of the hospital floor I worked in and hearing all the man problems some of the women were having. At some point I thought: “I wish I was having those problems, at least it would show that I had a man.” Of course, that wasn’t the way to think. No one wants to have man troubles, but at that time those petty complaints didn’t mean anything to me. Leaving your shoes laying around or not washing the dishes when asked were issues I was ready to deal with. They weren’t too big of problems that would cause me to halt getting into a serious relationship. The problem was finding the right person; the right man that would be able to fulfill all of my needs.

It was hard as it is to make time for myself. Going out to parties or gatherings was a hustle with a busy job like mines. First, I had to figure out what weekend I was off and who could I switch with if I was scheduled to work that day. Even if I got that day off, I still had to make sure that having worked the night before would not impact whatever activity was planned on that particular day. What a hassle it was! By the time I finished going through all of that, I would question whether or not I even wanted to go anymore. Then I got to thinking: “Who was actually going to be there?” “Was it going to be the same people that I always saw three or four times a week?” My motivation would dwindle very quickly. I would have to make a very special effort to go and by the time I made it there, I would realize that I was right all along. A bunch of people that I saw on a regular basis with the same songs playing, same foods and drinks. I would do a few moves on the dance floor and be looking for other things to do. It’s funny how the same line dancing got them excited every time. Sometimes I wondered if the excitement was real or were they all just as lonely as I was? Were they all hoping that a new friend would come visit and introduce himself to everyone? Then we could all marvel at this new dude and fight over him like wild cats in heat. That’s the ridiculous thing too, there’s never enough males for females. Not saying that males don’t have to do some searching or have competition themselves, but not the same way women do. One friend even brought up how if one girl knew that a guy was interested in another girl, she would bash her by saying bad things about her to make him lose interest. Or she would try to find ways to make sure that they never met or the very least never sit next to each other at events. This kind of pettiness, I had no time for. I wanted a more direct approach. How can I skip the excess drama and just get straight to the point? How could I just get to the married part?

Marriage or finding the right mate is getting harder and harder everyday. People, especially young women, are finding it much more difficult to find a partner to spend their life with. Just think about it, if a group of five women get pregnant, it is more likely that only one or two will have conceived a male offspring. The rest would be carrying females. It seems to always happen like that. It’s not really known why, but the fact that it does happen means it’s that much harder for females to find a mate once they’re all ready to get married. With the picking so slim, young women are now looking for alternative ways to walk down the aisle. It has really become an uphill battle. People are competing harder for a mate than for money or gold. I’m not sure if it’s the emotions or the hormones that rise at that time, but these individuals are being very creative in finding the right one. They are doing it in ways that maybe others had never thought of before.

The ever great need to get married is stronger for one reason or another. The bloom of youth has caused many young ones to desperately and blindly search out a marriage mate. They eagerly yearn for companionship of the opposite sex without actually knowing or understanding why. Many of the young women seem to believe that it is better to be with someone than to be alone. Much of those young females have never been in a long-lasting relationship before. Some have never been in a relationship at all. Many can’t even fathom the thought of a bad relationship unless they were educated thoroughly by their parents on the subject. Even so, once those emotions hit, they don’t care what was taught or what was observed. They just want to be in a relationship. The lonely feelings become overwhelming for them and they are eager to fill that void.

Other contenders do have the experience of a prior relationship. These individuals are well aware of the possibility of a failed relationship, but still yearn to try again. As human beings, we naturally forgive until we are sick of the situation. Some women who have experienced prior failed relationships, have forgiven unfaithful mates over and over again. Desperately hoping for the relationship to work, they put up with countless nonsense and hardship. They often deal with physical abuse from their partners; in hope that it would one day end. In their minds, there is always a possibility that their partner will change and become a whole different person. They pray that they will better themselves and make their union a better one. Others deal with verbal abuse on a regular basis. The constant put down from their mate becomes difficult to endure. The harsh words are enough to lead someone into deep depression. The spoken words and often evil body languages is terrible enough to lead some to self harm before finally making a smart decision. Despite experiencing some terrible situations within a relationship, many continue to want to be in a bond with another person. They continue to long for someone to hold at night or someone to talk to when they come home from work. They want someone to stroke their hair and ask them about their day.

It’s natural for someone not to want to be by themselves in this lonely world that’s lacking true friendship and companionship. People don’t even want to be seen eating out without having someone next to them. They don’t want people to see them looking lonely taking bites of their meal. They would much rather have another person sitting near; giving the impression that they have someone. Truthfully, anyone would do. Even a stranger that they’ve never met not one day in their lives would suffice. Even for a person who feels very comfortable with themselves, it is disturbing for them to eat alone themselves at a restaurant while everyone observes. There is always that thought that maybe someone is watching, wondering why they are by themselves. One might wonder if those around them who have a mate and family are staring and questioning. They may also feel like those people are talking about them. It’s the feeling of not being comfortable in your own skin. It can make the imagination run wild with deceiving thoughts.

Those who feel lonely also avoid doing other interactive activities by themselves. It is not in their goals to walk to a movie theater and purchase a ticket for one. Can you imagine the cringing feeling of someone hearing you buying a movie ticket for one? What if a happily looking couple was near by also purchasing tickets. How embarrassing for the lonely one. Then, there’s the eerie feeling of standing in line waiting to order popcorn and soda surrounded by bubbly, flirting lovers. If that person wasn’t already lonely, I’m sure they are feeling it now. The void is definitely in need of being filled. Then there’s walking into the theater all by yourself and finding a seat. Who are you to share commentaries with? No one to swap popcorn and soda with. This sadness could lead to tears. They would much rather be viewing the movie with another person. In fact, their vision is that someone else pick them up, drive them to the theater and purchase the tickets for them. Afterwards, stands in line with them while cuddling their hands and buying them all the goodies that they want. Later, walking hand in hand while reaching their seats together. No one wants to be alone. For those people, even drinking a glass of wine in solidarity in their own home might prove discomforting.

Many years ago, in High school, I knew people from foreign countries like India who talked about going through arranged marriages all the time. They talked about getting hooked up or arranged by their parents. They didn’t sound sad about it either, they seemed to have accepted the fact that that’s how it was. They seemed to have an understanding very early on that marriage was much more than flirting; it was a serious commitment amongst two mature adults. A commitment between two adults who understood that everyone needed somebody to live, share and reproduce with. To them, the whole thing was normal. They didn’t fuss much at the idea of being set up for marriage. They felt and acted very comfortable at the thought of only having some say in choosing the person that they likely will spend the rest of my life with. To them, there was nothing wrong with it. It goes to show you that this was all in the mind. The way that a person saw marriage was what determined how it should be done or how a person should go about it. If a person is determined to be deeply in love and knowing a person for a very long time, then they want to go about doing it that way. The problem is not everyone grows up knowing their mate or even going to high school with them. That fairytale is very rare and unlikely. Sounds great, but how many people do you know that has had that happen to them? If that was the case, then there wouldn’t be so many single people out there looking for someone to share their lives with. Plus, many of those relationships do not last. These teenagers don’t want to only be with just one person for the remainder of their lives. Often infidelity takes place and the relationship crumbles and dissipates. There are some couples that begin courting in high school that allow their mates to date readily other people until they are ready to make a firm commitment. This is not surprising since at such a young age, committing to only one person is very hard to do.

In certain cultures, the parents often times make their children marry whom they seem fit; well at least in olden days they made them. In those days the kids really had no say. The parents would scope the potential mate out and decide whether or not that person was a good fit for their child. Often, the mate was chosen from a family that everyone was already acquainted with. Meaning the family looking to have their child marry, already had a connection with the potential groom’s family. It’s very likely that even when the children were born, those arrangements were verbally made. The two set of parents made the decision at that moment that their kids would be each other’s life partners. It didn’t matter to them if they ended up liking one another or not, they had to follow the rules of the marriage arrangement. Many factors often lead to this rare and strange agreement. One would like to think that the main qualities searched out are spirituality, culture, wealth and education. A set of parents of such origin and background and especially one who believes in this sort of arrangement likely would want their child to have a person that respects God. They would search for a family that applied the teachings of the Bible to add value to their everyday lives.

Another way that has reached popularity, has actually been around for a number of years. Many have gone back to their old countries of origin and found themselves a mate. I have observed this method throughout many years. Even during college, a good friend of mine from India was arranged to be married soon after graduating from her studies. She spoke of it as if it were nothing. She simply mentioned that her parents were planning on setting her up with someone from back home so she could get married and start a family. The whole idea was concrete to her, she was not fussy about it nor thinking about it in a negative way. In a world where young women often lavish over the type of man they meet, how they look and carry themselves or how much money they made, this young woman was accepting the pickings made by her own family. Other aspects one would expect is money of course. Don’t you want your child to be financially happy and safe? No one wants to see their little darlings struggling in this rugged and distressed world. The parents likely want someone that can provide for their lovelies and create a world of abundance and security for them. At the very least, the choosing family wants to make sure that the person chosen can meet their child halfway; meaning collaborate with their baby to do more than make ends meet, but live comfortably. Ideally with good money that leads to living comfortably comes a good education. The parents want to make sure that the mate’s family are in good standing. They assure that the family is Christian and of good values. In certain lands, people can come and easily transfer over their education. Many times, their diplomas are obtained through English speaking courses. They get their education in the same language that people get in the United States. This makes it even easier to come over to this foreign country once they are married. In cultures like this, 90-day engagements work. Those people are often respectful of their marriage and their vows. There is a low rate of divorce, possibly because of the respect that comes with that custom of arranging marriage. Of course, other cultures get married in similar fashion, but the reasons might be different. The same qualities or standards are not looked for and the outcomes are simply not the same.

Other more modern cultures also have some sort of arranged marriage, although not quite the same way. It mostly involved a person knowing a friend who knows a friend who knows a friend that knows a friend. That sort of hookup is not as traditional or as strict. There’s very little background check involved, unfortunately. Background check in the sense of getting to know family history. Making an effort to meet pertinent family members lack with no parents making arrangements or taking the lead. The process becomes sloppy; less like a proper arrangement amongst respected individuals and more like a free willed, no boundary group of people linking up. The respect is gone and the tradition trashed beyond repair. Young and older ones alike are utilizing the tradition like a one-night stand. They thus make it that much harder for others to go through government procedures.

Even so, it still works with two respected adults who know exactly what they are getting themselves into. Therefore, why do so many people doubt these kinds of marriages. Speaking from a personal stand point, I was always told that this was the way it has always been done. People have for many years worked with each other in this sense. Women and men alike have made important phone calls back home and ask for that special hook up. Perhaps, getting back together with an old friend and acquaintance that stayed on their minds over the years. Sometimes, it was like a pact made amongst friends that they would return for each other if time ran out for finding the right mate. The process is possible to complete and it doesn’t take as long as others may say. Think about women who have gone off to the islands and have gotten their mojo back. They lived life to the fullest and did not regret not one second of it. Surely, they took precaution to do things the right way. They didn’t settle for anything that came along and thought thoroughly before proceeding. Take a look at these three steps that can lead you to finding: “The one.”































Part One



MEETING

The One





















First Meeting



The place where you first meet a person is often the one thing that you both never forget. It’s the first time the two of you locked eyes and wondered: “Who is that beautiful lady over there?” It’s the experience you’ll talk about for years to come. People always ask couples: “Where did you guys first meet?” They do that for a reason. They want to get pointers on how such a lovely courtship began. If the reply is: “The park.” Then I guarantee that person is going to be spending a little more time at the park looking cute. If the answer is: “I was at a museum looking at some great art by myself.” Then, it is highly likely that one girl will be spending her weekend checking out art at the museum wearing her best heels.


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