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Excerpt for Heartbreaker’s “I Wouldn’t Even Bother” Approach by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

Heartbreaker’s “I Wouldn’t Even Bother” Approach

In this story, I would like to single out the warning signs suggesting that your relationship is not going to last because your partner doesn’t want to make everything happen, and once everything is ruined, he will most likely blame it all on you.

Falling in love has always been unfortunate for me, it is rather a curse than a blessing. This time, it was no exclusion. He found me on the international dating site, I accidentally came across his simple message saying "Hi! What are you looking for?” I replied about 18 days after he had written the original message. “What a nice man”, I thought.

We started communicating and exchanging thoughts, opinions, sharing the stories of the past. Over the weekends, we sometimes had video chats if he wanted to see me (and he wanted it rarely, which is untypical of a person who has deep feelings, please mind this). When we were choosing the time for the video chat, he always stated the time in his country, leaving it for me to calculate what time it would be in mine (convenient for himself only). He was very laid back and easy going, which facilitated our conversations, and there was always something to talk about. After a while, I somehow got so attracted to him, lured by his charm, mesmerizing smile, optimistic views on life, joyful mood and happy vibes that my feelings strengthened and I was becoming more and more enamored. I got really crazy about his cool American accent of the person who is a native speaker of English. OMG, this accent was so fabulous! However, love was painful because he didn’t seem to feel the same for me. He would disappear for long times, then just get in touch again as if nothing happened, and always come late for our video chats. (Lack of punctuality or sheer carelessness?) Those are the warning signs that have to be considered.

According to his words, he had several relationships in the past. He was never married. I was wondering why his previous relationships ended, and the answer was that he didn’t care much about them. The people just got bored with each other and didn’t develop strong connection on the personal level. This should be paid attention to because the mistakes of the past may be mirrored in every new relationship. And it was to be expected.

Later, we faced the family and children question. He said he wanted children, I was hesitant at first, but as our relationship was evolving, I was ready for everything to be with him, and finally agreed. He didn’t appreciate it though. But I was so in love that would accept everything.

In October, about 6 months after we met online, I asked him if he thought we needed to meet in person (I think he should have done this first). He said he wanted to do it by the end of the current year. So we started making arrangements and this was not easy because we were living in different countries far away from each other. As winter was approaching, we chose Mexico as a warm climate country with lots of travel destinations. He booked my airplane tickets, departure and return, at his own cost, and made a spelling error in my first name though I provided the correct spelling for him to use. I selected the list of hotels, but he chose the one that was not on the list, at his own discretion. (Being indifferent to my choices). He made the hotel reservation in his own name without mentioning my name. I told him there would be possible problems because of the above, and he didn’t want to bother. Then I insisted, and he called expedia to make correction, however, the correction was not mentioned as I was checking in later. And he did nothing to ensure my hotel booking. In the airport, they asked for my hotel reservation confirmation, and there was a problem because it was made solely in his name. Luckily, they didn’t mind the name spelling error in the airplane tickets.

He said, the purpose of the trip was to “see if we are compatible for marriage”. What that means, I will tell you later.

So, I flied from Ukraine with one stopover in Germany and he flied from the USA, but before we actually met, I became pretty panic-stricken because we landed in different terminals of the airport, we previously agreed to meet at his terminal, but I could not get there because the shuttle bus between the terminals was rarely available as it became clear at the airport. So I had to take a taxi to the hotel. It was very expensive, and took me a long time because of the traffic jams.

He was not yet in the hotel, and I had to wait for him because the reservation, as mentioned above, was made in his name only. But as I asked at the front desk if he checked in, I heard a familiar voice behind saying “Hi”, looked back and finally calmed down as I saw his warm smile. “My savior”, I thought. He took my things to the room. But the disaster was only beginning.

We (there is no more such thing as “we”, but it can’t be expressed in other words) had intimacy without penetration, mostly hugs and kisses, it was nice, but believe me, the most attractive and sexy part of his was… the American accent as he was speaking English. Well, this is just my perception.

Some time later, we decided to take a trip to the local sights to see the famous Mexican pyramids and some other places. In the hotel lobby, there was a charming Mexican woman who was telling us a lot about the sights and the prices, smiling nicely and looking into his eyes. He was smiling back, flirting and asking her a lot of questions till the trip reservation was made and the documents had to be filled out. He suddenly told her that we (he and I) were not married, though she didn’t even ask. I was upset. In an hour, at the hotel pool, he made a nasty comment about my legs, I got offended and ran away to the room to burst into tears. He calmed me down with words of encouragement and hugs. He said I was too sensitive.

The trip to the pyramids was exciting and Mexico is an amazing country in general, and so beautiful. Except, I forgot to mentioned that he lost the ticket just before the trip, so it was renewed using the ID. Our days were running fast though he didn’t pay much attention to me, he was reading his ebook all the time without even noticing me, except when he wanted some cuddles or embraces from me. It was my pleasure to hug him, cuddle to him, embrace him tenderly, massage his neck, head, even feet at times, do all to satisfy him. He liked it but this did nothing to spark his feelings for me because there were no feelings.

In the hotel room, he always felt hot and adjusted the air conditioner to his personal preferences, which made me cold all the time and I had to be wrapped in a blanket.

Our time together was coming to an end, and that made me sad, I embraced him and said I didn’t know what I would do without him. He just laughed. I started crying because the feeling of losing him was unbearable. He didn’t get it. I asked him if he was planning or expecting any continuation of our relationship upon arrival home, and the answer was, “I do not have a road map plan”. He didn’t say anything about the result of that “verification for compatibility”, so it was easy to guess that I was not suitable. And it was the time to leave for home, we parted at his terminal and I took a bus to mine. Before leaving, he said we would still meet. However, it was not true.

My trip home was very stressful, not only because of the separation, but also because one of the flights was missed as the previous flight was too late. I was trapped in Frankfurt airport for a long time and got home thanks to the kindness of one Lufthansa company employee, but it’s a different story.

After the trip to Mexico, his skype messages got less and less both in content and in quality (just one cold and indifferent phrase to reply my warm letter about the sweet memories of the trip), he stopped showing interest entirely and disappeared for two days. Then I realized everything was over, I wrote him a letter to say that I regretted even meeting him because he never cared about the relationship. However, he suddenly replied that the relationship was ruined because I was “complaining and moaning all the time”. So I was to be blamed for everything and it was my fault. Although he paid for the air tickets, the hotel and the food, he showed no affection for me, spent the time absorbed in his book, and became totally disconnected and disinterested after the trip before taking a French leave, I feel so used and thrown away.

Now, it is going to be hard to forget about everything, my heart is in agony. Honestly, I don’t know what to do. All I can do is just perhaps try to remember some bad things about him in order to cross him out of my life. For example, being in the hotel room, I noticed he was putting his legs on the bed without taking off his shoes (laziness or carelessness?), putting his suitcase on the bed, leaving the bathroom in a mess (splashes of water all around the place), consuming too many tic-tacs (tic-tac addict?), scattering his clothes on the floor and wearing the clothes for a long time without washing them, grinding his teeth and twitching his body during the sleep, going to the bathroom with his smartphone in hands. Yet, being in love, I ignored all those unpleasant things about him. This is what love can do. I do not wish anyone what I have been through.

If you have any thoughts, ideas or suggestions, please do not hesitate to contact me at tanyachri@gmail.com

Sincerely,

Tanya

P.S. All of the above is true.














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